Four years ago today, my brother ended his life. I couldn’t sleep last night. It’s hard not to replay the memories of that day and reflect on how much life has changed since he left this world.
“If I keep a green bough in my heart, a singing bird will come.” This is a Chinese proverb that friends (shout out to Miss D and the MBT family) shared with me when Evan passed and I recall it often. The greenest bough I can offer is gratitude for our time together as a family and for what he has given me. Nearly 21 years of cherished memories have blossomed today into a circle of family and friends that are my source of strength and joy, and a sense of purpose to care for those who are suffering.
I am thankful for the difficult times for it has given me the opportunity to grow. Today I am planting flowers in Evan’s memory. As Spring comes and I watch these flowers grow I will be reminded to appreciate what I have today and from where it has come.

You are my inspiration, Erin. Great blog post. Thinking of you and your family today. Hugs.
As always, thank you for your love and support Miss Chika!
Evan lives on as strong as ever in you and the countless lives you continue to touch on a daily basis.
Thank you Rach!
Reading and watching Evan my heart goes to his family , I cried , reading the article ,just thinking how beautiful young guy left this world ….he loved his family his sister specially ,he is gone ,but his spirit still here ! like you said he left a lot of pain and sorrow ,but you are strong and he is making you stronger …..
Maria, so true. We carry him in our hearts with us today. He gives us strength and motivation to help others who are suffering as he did, and to live life to its fullest. Thank you for commenting. Love, Erin
Hi. Four years ago I lost my son and I can understand your feelings. Never talked about it until today. Can’t understand what happened and how. Still have tried to cope.
All a dream.
God bless you
Anand, I am so sorry for your loss. You will survive this. Here is a helpful resource on coping with suicide. http://www.afsp.org/coping-with-suicide